By Elizabeth Badejo
No marriage can give you every form of fulfilment you need at every moment of life. There will be seasons when communication becomes difficult, finances become tight, responsibilities become overwhelming, and your spouse may also fall short of meeting some of your emotional needs.
These moments do not necessarily mean that your marriage is failing. They are reminders that every marriage has areas that need attention, care and intentional growth.
Recognise the silent lacks
It is not uncommon for a marriage to have certain silent lacks, but what the couple does to fill those lacks can provide the solution to building a stronger marriage together. This is not a marriage without lacks; it is a marriage where two people are willing to recognise their lacks, talk about them and work together to fill them. When two people are willing to communicate, listen, adjust, forgive, reconnect and intentionally invest in one another, the lacks that once created distance can become opportunities to build a deeper, stronger and more fulfilling marriage.
Take responsibility for the health of your marriage
The danger begins when spouses become so accustomed to what is missing that they suddenly stop noticing it, stop talking about it, or simply learn to live with the uncomfortable situation. A lack of communication that was once temporary can become the way you and your spouse communicate. Emotional distance can become normal, while spending time together can become a routine rather than a connection.
Most importantly, filling the lacks requires that you both take responsibility for the health of your marriage. It should not always be one person initiating conversations, planning time together, apologising, showing affection, or trying to repair what has been broken. Your marriage can become stronger again when you are both willing to share the highs and lows together.
Learn to repair after every disagreement
Every marriage will experience misunderstandings, disappointments and moments when one spouse may hurt the other spouse. However, when couples habitually turn old mistakes into a rage, every disagreement becomes a trial, revisiting everything that has ever gone wrong in the marriage.
The significance of filling the lacks is learning to repair after every conflict, as a strong marriage is not one where conflict never happens; it is one where couples learn how to come back together after each conflict. Repairing keeps a difficult moment from becoming a permanent distance; therefore, it is important to take responsibility and forgive too.
Forgiveness does not mean pretending an offence never occurred or letting someone off the hook without accountability; it means refusing to let past injuries hold permanent power over the present.
Create deliberate moments to enjoy each other’s company
Sometimes, rebuilding your marriage begins with something as simple as noticing what has been missing and deciding together that it is time to fill the gap. It may simply need attention, understanding, intentional connection and two people who are willing to keep choosing each other.
Instead of allowing silence to grow, you can create room for honest and gentle conversations. Instead of waiting for your spouse to notice your needs, you can learn to express them with love and clarity. Instead of allowing busyness to consume your time and relationship, create deliberate moments to talk, laugh, listen, pray, dream and simply enjoy one another’s company again.
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