By Tony Afejuku
THE very short letter you are about to read is not, was not, inked by the gleaner-glimpser-glitterer. It was written – if not inked – to Mr Seyi Tibubu, our president’s son who is the only Mr Seyi Tinubu known to nearly all and sundry who must know him and how to read and analyse him. Of course, if they do not know him, they itch to do so and read and analyse him from any angle or boundary of their attempt to understand or misunderstand him. Afterall, is he not the current first son of the mighty federal republic of your country my country our country some persons who are passionate patriots and who are not passionate patriots at the same time want us not to be written in bold or capital letters until this republic becomes your republic my republic our republic again? Make some humour or some laughter or some joke out of this longishly longish sentence as you deem fit. Nigeria is not short of jokes – and never will be short of them.
Now let me say urgently that the owner of the open letter the glimpser shall release shortly word for word is a regular consumer of this column. He is a very long distance away from any of our international airports. From across the Atlantic he consumes the column which intoxicates him endlessly even though it contains no pint of alcohol. Furthermore, his tongue and heart find the column sweetly convenient even though it contains no artificial sweetener. For him the column is a mixture of prime fruits such as apple, orange, mango and true berries which he enjoys from time to time in his base in Hannover, Germany – where prime fruits of different kinds are always blended – in and out of season. The identity of this international reader is Omuda Oritsejolomisan Joseph Ogedegbe. His fruitful flattery which the gleaner-glimpser-glitterer cherishes needs no further acknowledgement from his own limits of undiluted gratitude. He cherishes a regular reader who cherishes him, and now grants his request to draw the attention of the First Son of this federal republic to his open letter to him thus:
“An open letter to Mr. Seyi Tinubu (His Excellency)
“Dear Mr Tinubu,
“A careful assessment of the current national landscape reveals a growing and urgent concern. While your father, His Excellency Bola Ahmed Tibubu, remains focused on the complex task of national governance, the Niger Delta is gradually drifting toward a state of heightened tension, one that, if not proactively addressed, may escalate into a crisis of significant consequence.
“This is not a conjecture, but an observable reality unfolding within the region. The circumstances demand more than distant oversight or reliance on mediated reports. They require direct, sincere and unfiltered engagement. At this critical juncture, it may be necessary for you to step beyond the optics of the “City Boys’ Movement” and embrace a more pragmatic role by interfacing directly with key stakeholders and agitators in the Niger Delta. The over-reliance on intermediaries often leads to distorted or incomplete representations of the truth, something this situation can ill afford.
“There are both a warning and an opportunity here. The warning lies in the potential for escalation if current signals are ignored. The opportunity lies in early engagement, confidence-building, and the prevention of an avoidable instability.
“Time is of the essence. Constructive and honest dialogue at this stage could significantly alter the trajectory of events and reinforce public trust in leadership.
“Make hay while the sun shines.
“Yours sincerely,
“Omuda Oritsejolomisan Joseph Ogedegbe.
“Hannover, Germany.”
What was the glimpser’s reaction when he immediately had a glimpse of this letter to His Excellency the first son of this republic of Nigeria, this federal republic of Nigeria? He instantly became a cogent humourist and a foolhardy theorist of humour at the same time. So Mr Seyi (or, better, Oluwaseyi) Tinubu has truly become His Excellency that young chaps like Warri Kingdom-born Oritsejolomisan Ogedegbe who are within his age circle now “worship” and address as a constitutional fellow and officer of (and in) the Presidency of His Excellency His father Ahmed Bola Tinubu? I laughed and laughed and laughed until I could no longer laugh and laugh and laugh! The theme or the idea that the illuminating laughter sprang from and the incongruity it reflected (and still reflects) need to be well studied by our patriotic scholars, psychologists, philosophers, writers and journalists who we must enjoin to give close attention to the psychoanalytical examination of this president, presidency and presidencynologists.
The glimpser, this glimpser, in order to understand the full import of the letter of his across-the-Atlantic reader and, furthermore, in order to escape the label of “foolhardy theorist” of humour decided to have a good glimpse of what the distinguished English literary theorist Terry Eagleton says about humour. Terry Eagleton quotes the immaculate, masterful William Hazlitt who quotes a fellow essayist, critic and author, Isaac Barrow, who observes humour as “a phenomenon” so “versatile and multiform” and which any exhaustive definition is impossible to come by thus:
“Sometimes it is…. an affected simplicity, sometimes a presumptuous bluntness giveth it being; sometimes it riseth only from a lucky hitting upon what is strange: sometimes from a crafty wresting obvious matter to the purpose; often it consisteth in one knows not what, and springeth up one can hardly tell how… it is, in short, a manner of speaking out of the simple and plain way… which by a pretty surprising uncouthness in conceit or expression doth affect and amuse the fancy, show in it some wonder and breathing some delight thereto.”
The glimpser does not have a glimpse of His Excellency the First Son of the federal republic’s education. For this reason it cannot be said with certainty that he will have the gem in him to read my reader’s letter which was written on Saturday, 28 March, 2026 (and was received on the same date), and interpret it as a kind of birthday message to His Excellency his Father President Ahmed Bola Tinubu whose 74 birth “years of wit, wisdom and wins”, were given cheers to on the said Saturday (and Sunday, March 29) by many presidencynologists – including His Excellency Senator (Dr.) Abdul’aziz Yari Abubakar whose cherished birthday words have been immediately quoted above.
Oritsejolomisan Ogedegbe, Oluwaseyi, His Excellency the First Son of the republic (who succeeded Jide Tinubu, the biological and official First Son, who unfortunately died when he did) and the presidencynologists should kindly dare to join the glimpser to laugh and laugh and laugh as this essay cogently and coherently tries to do – not in “blasts, peals, gales, gusts, ripples of torrents” – but in a profoundly profound manner. What a way to illuminate the current loud incomparable folly of follies in the land!
Before he anchors, a question, however, solely for the glimpser’s passionate reader from Germany: Is Seyi a link in the chain of the conscious being of the Warri denizen – or of the Niger Deltan? We can see Seyi frowning and frowning intriguingly as the letter writer is passionately disturbed by this question and other observations – as the glitterer cannot but laugh and laugh and laugh – glitteringly!
Afejuku can be reached via 08055213059.
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