By Bola Matel-Okoh

“Can a woman have it all?” A familiar and age-long question that women unfairly have to contend with. My own experience has shown me that we can have it all,

but not necessarily at the same time. You must recognise the different seasons of your life and decide what is most important to you in that season. Failure to do so will result in frustration and burnout, leaving you totally out of whack.

There has to be a compromise between what we must do and what we want to do. When these two things are in equilibrium, when work and life are in balance, you can simultaneously be happy and productive. Finding that sweet spot of work-life balance is not always easy: it takes time, effort, and constant experimentation to find what works for you as an individual.

A healthy work-life balance is maintaining a harmonious relationship between your work and personal life. It involves consciously managing your time and energy to meet your professional and personal commitments while prioritizing self-care and well-being.

There are some key things to bear in mind when looking to have and maintain some balance in your life: Work-life balance does not mean you have to spend equal time working and enjoying yourself.

If you spend an hour working that does not necessarily mean you have to or will be able to spend an hour doing the other things you love. It is all about maximising your time and getting the most quality out of the time allocated to any particular part of your life at any one time.

In other words, time management is paramount in the quest for that sweet spot of work-life balance. The intensity of the activities, the amount of effort you expend, and the order of priority in which you do things should all be considered.

The ‘sweet point’ in your work-life balance is unique to you. The concept of work-life balance is not a one-size-fits-all. What really matters and will bring joy and fulfilment is different for everyone and may even be different for you depending on what season of your life you are in and the sacrifices you are willing to make in that season.

I came across a jaw-dropping statistic the other day: 60 per cent of women in their forties who don’t have children chose because of their careers. At any point in time, you have to consider all the facts and circumstances and make the sometimes painful and difficult decision to make a trade-off between two competing interests.

At the end of the day, it’s about setting your priorities at any time. Looking back at my own life, there were times I had to give up my career aspirations so I could be very present for my children. It’s what I like to call ‘Mommy guilt’. Now that my children are grown, I can focus totally on my career aspirations.

I got my Executive Coaching Certification at 53 years old. It was so rewarding and fulfilling, and the icing on the cake was when my son said to me, “Mom, I am so inspired that at 53, you are still pursuing your dreams!”

Your work-life balance will always be in flux. One of the keys to work-life balance is flexibility and adaptability because, guess what? As your life changes, so will the most satisfying balance between your personal and professional life.

It is essential to be attentive to yourself, your needs and desires, as well as those of the people around you. There is a saying that “The only thing constant is change”. Recognise that circumstances can change on a dime, and you will need to make the necessary adjustments to adapt to these changes. You cannot be rigid, but be prepared to compromise with others as well as with yourself, and the delicate work-life balance point will be significantly easier to find.

This might require you to master the art of multi-tasking in the short term as you try to get to some measure of equilibrium. Don’t be too hard on yourself; be willing to cut yourself some slack and realise that life happens and there will be things that happen that you could not have envisaged in your carefully laid-out plans.

The people around you will significantly impact your work-life balance. No woman or man, for that matter, is an island, and you don’t have to live in isolation. We all have multiple relationships, personal and professional, and the well-being of those around us inevitably impacts us one way or another.

It is important to factor the significant people and relationships in your life into the equation to have a healthy, balanced life. This is because the well-being of those around you will invariably have some bearing on your overall well-being. It is vital to create a strong support system of family, friends, and even colleagues who can step in at any point to give you some much-needed break when needed.

One of the things I had to do in this regard was to learn to delegate. Your decision to delegate your responsibilities to someone else does not detract from your ability to do your job well. If anything, it reflects the excellent leadership skills you possess. It’s worth investing in the work side of your work-life balance when you can in case you later need to take time in lieu.

The reality is that there will be times when you will have to invest a vast amount of time and energy in your work because that is what is required of you at that particular point in time. It is an investment that will most definitely pay off in the future. You never know what lies ahead, and it’s better to plan if you can.

If you have the opportunity to work a few extra hours, to go beyond the call of duty, and to show your employer you are conscientious, do so. It will stand you in good stead in the future if you then need to negotiate time off or devote more of your attention to personal affairs. It will serve you well for those rainy days ahead, as it were.

In conclusion, the work-life balance you strike should be appropriate for any particular time in your life and does not have to be set in concrete. If you have a specific ambition or something you have set your heart on, be prepared to temporarily shift your work-life balance in one direction.

You might, for example, need to focus on work for a certain period in the run-up to a professional review or in a bid to get a promotion or decide that the run-up to your wedding or another big personal event means that you need to scale back your work, dedicating the bulk of your time and energy to that instead.

Are you out of work and struggling to have some semblance of balance in your life? I trust that this has provided some answers for you.

Matel-Okoh is a trained attorney, Executive Coach at BMO Advisory and a Non-Executive Director at Wema Bank. She wrote from Lagos, Nigeria.